Balancing Hollywood and Home: Nancy Travis on Motherhood and Creative Reinvention.
In this episode of Mom to MORE™, host Sharon Macey is joined by Nancy Travis, actress and mom who is creating her next chapter.
Nancy Travis has built a long and versatile career in film, television and theater with roles that include ‘Last Man Standing’, ‘Three Men and a Baby’, ‘The Kominsky Method,’ the cult classic ‘So I Married an Axe Murderer' and Hallmark’s ‘Ride’, among many others.
On Broadway, Nancy performed in Brighton Beach Memoirs and I’m Not Rappaport. Newer projects include Grosse Pointe Garden Society on NBC and Amazon’s El Gato. She balances her love for acting with family life in Los Angeles, where she lives with her husband and two sons.
Sharon and Nancy dive into how motherhood reshaped Nancy’s career, her pivot from film to television to be closer to family, and the unique challenges of balancing a career with raising two sons.
Tune in for an insightful and heartwarming dive into the art of reinvention as Nancy shares her journey balancing career and family, embracing growth, and exploring new creative passions. Nancy’s openness about her struggles and triumphs inspires other moms to pursue their own paths, stay resilient, and embrace each chapter of life with curiosity, courage and taking risks..
[00:00] Introduction
[02:40] Nancy’s transition from film to television to stay close to family
[06:24] Early career and balancing ambition with motherhood
[08:57] The reality of “having it all” as a working mom
[12:15] Importance of presence and quality family time
[14:10] How motherhood has enhanced Nancy’s skills as an actress
[18:01] Reflecting on the challenges and sacrifices of a creative career
[28:06] Nancy’s MORE
[30:39] Where to find Nancy online
Meet My Guest Nancy Travis:
Instagram: @NancyTravisOfficial
Looking for More? Follow @momtomore on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. @Sharon Macey on LinkedIn.
Keep an eye out for episode #27 of the Mom to MORE™ podcast where Sharon is joined by Christine Swanson, award-winning director, visionary storyteller and former SAHM . Coming soon - you won’t want to miss it ♥
-
Nancy Travis:
I am the type of person who wakes up every day and says, is this all there is? But particularly at this time in my life, I am really saying that. I made compromises while I was raising my children to be able to stay in town. A lot of the work I chose was not completely fulfilling to me as an actress. As I was raising children and being a wife and a housewife, I was actually playing one on television.Sharon Macey: Welcome to the podcast where motherhood meets reinvention. I'm your host, Sharon Macy, and this is Mom to More I'll be speaking with remarkable moms who have embraced the art of transformation, crafting their more by leveraging the skills they hone as stay-at-home moms. They'll share their experiences, struggles, and successes as they return to a former career, pursued a passion or hobby, or charted an entirely new path, giving you the clarity, motivation, and inspiration to help you answer the question, what do you want to do when your kids grow up? Hey everyone, welcome back. An actress depends on her instrument, her body and her voice, and the various tools she uses to create characters and express herself, turning the vision of the writer and director into reality. But what happens when an actress becomes a mom? How does that creativity keep flowing, and how does it help or hinder her instrument and the time that she has to put into her craft? We're going to talk all about that today with the very accomplished Nancy Travis. Nancy has been fortunate to work in film, television, and theater. She most recently appeared in the family rodeo series Ride on the Hallmark Channel. Other television credits include Last Man Standing and The Kaminsky Method, which I love. She will next appear in Gross Point Garden Society on NBC. Her many films include the classic Three Men and a Baby, the drama thriller Internal Affairs, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and the cult classic So I Married an Axe Murderer. Theater remains Nancy's first love, having performed in Brighton Beach Memoirs and I'm Not Rappaport on Broadway. Regionally, she has worked at La Jolla Playhouse and Ensemble Theater Company in Santa Barbara. She was a founding member of the Naked Angel Theater Company in New York, and I remember that, when that happened. And she now lives in LA with her husband and two sons. Well, hello, Nancy, I'm so thrilled you're here.
Nancy Travis: Great to be here. Very excited to have this chat with you.
Sharon Macey: Thank you. Looking forward to this. So I feel like we need to share with our listeners that you and I have weirdly come full circle. We met almost, what, 40 years ago? Oh, God, yes.
Nancy Travis: Decades.
Sharon Macey: When we were both just starting out in our careers. I wrote several commercials for Hostess and you were cast in two of them. And you were fabulous. And they became award winning commercials for Ted Bates, the ad agency and for me. And so thank you publicly. I appreciate that.
Nancy Travis: I mean, it is kind of crazy how life just is this continuous circle. It's like a drain and we keep getting smaller and smaller and smaller. And those hostess commercials really were kind of a launching pad for me in many, many ways. Just me shoving hostess Twinkies down my throat and feeding the cupcakes to this Guy romantically so that yes.
Sharon Macey: Yeah, I think that was the beginning of sort of food porn on TV So it was very much so about the food porn.
Nancy Travis: Yeah, that's for sure. That's for sure it was also I mean a time when commercials and advertising were changing and it was less of the woman person in a button-down shirt and straight here exactly quaffed and I just remember Because I have this hair. I've always had this hair. In fact, when I was younger, there was quite a bit more of it that was unruly and out of control. But at the time, I wasn't able really to get work because I didn't look like that person. And Levi's came out with this whole new 501 gene campaign. And you probably remember that. It was just people, people being people, walking down the street. And it kind of changed the whole landscape of things.
Sharon Macey: Things got more natural and real. And that was a really good thing. So let's jump in here because there is so much I want to talk to you about today. And I like to start all my interviews with what I call my essential mom question. And that is, how many kids do you have and where did you raise them?
Nancy Travis: I have two children, two boys, and they were both born in Los Angeles. I raised them in Los Angeles and They are now, one just turned 27, and the younger of the two, my son Jeremy, is 23.
Sharon Macey: We overlap with two of those kids' ages, that's for sure. So when you had your first son, how did you look at this brand new role that you just took on of mommy? And what did that look like for a while for you?
Nancy Travis: Well, let me start with saying, before I had my son, My master plan was that I would be a very successful movie actress and be able to have a husband and have 2.0 children and still continue to travel all over the place, have a bi-coastal life and just pack up my family and have them come with me for the multitude of films that I was going to be doing all over the world. So this was this fantasy that I had, which actually, I mean, I call it a fantasy now, but at the time it really was my plan. And then I married a man who has his own career. And at the time he was a very successful vice president of production at Columbia Pictures. And so he had his own career and his own office he had to go to. So he wasn't really able to just pick up and follow me wherever I was going to go. And then I had my first child. And the truth is it changed everything because suddenly the idea of packing him up and just carting him around all over the place to be left in the care of nannies who I would have to pack up and travel with me wasn't really feasible or wasn't really even something I wanted to do. And I did try it for a bit. And I also tried the opposite, which was hiring people to stay home with him while I went off for four months to do things and flew back and forth, which was heartbreaking and horrendous for me. So it definitely was a dilemma and I had to reconfigure things. The truth is I didn't want to give up working, but this formula was not going to be practical.
Sharon Macey: I appreciate that. And you did take some time off with your first son. I did.
Nancy Travis: And it was interesting too, because it was around then that I transitioned, whether I wanted to or not, from making movies to doing television. movie roles weren't coming to me as much as I wanted them to. And I mean, I I will say probably like most people who are in this, like like a lot of women, very ambitious. I wanted to have it all. I grew up in that generation. I want to have a career and have a family and be successful and just have the whole thing.
Sharon Macey: And then we realized maybe that wasn't feasible or viable or realistic.
Nancy Travis: Yeah, and it's an interesting paradox because I was raised by a stay-at-home mom who, I'm going off on a little tangent here, stay-at-home mom who took great pride in raising myself and my brother, and she was a great mom, and managed for her own self. After we left home, she went back to school and she ended up getting a bachelor's degree and then went on to get a master's in social work. So that was her sort of mom story. But her credo to us was always never settle. And particularly for me as a daughter, never settle, have it all, shoot for the hilt, because you can. You can have it all. You have this opportunity. In a little way, Maybe she didn't overtly say it, but I definitely felt it. I was to carry the baton for her and cross the finish line because she felt limited in her choices and her options. So I really felt that it's a freedom and it's also a bit of a pressure.
Sharon Macey: And there's a lot you have to give up to have it all.
Nancy Travis: And maybe you don't want to. So that's the other thing is you can be a glutton for all of it too and it might not lead to happiness. So it's picking and choosing and I continue to do so. I'm 62 years old and I continue to reshape things. I don't think of the word retirement And that's not even in my vocabulary. I don't know what that means.
Sharon Macey: We'll definitely get into that. I also realized that I think in life, you can have it all, but not all at once. And so trying to do everything all at once can be too crazy and overwhelming and probably not healthy to be that superwoman, which we all know doesn't really exist. So when you had that transition from TV to sitcom, and that happened, what, after your second son?
Nancy Travis: No, that happened actually right before my first son. And I remember at the time, film actors doing television was a step down. And I remember I wasn't getting work in movies at the time and my manager had said, why don't you try doing sitcoms? I also wanted to have children and that was a distant factor. And there was a sitcom called Almost Perfect that she had read that she thought I would be great for. And I got that show and it was a huge blessing in disguise because It filmed in Los Angeles. My hours were very manageable, and I was able to work on having children, which was a bit difficult for myself and my husband. We had to go through some IVF procedures and had to be here for that. And then when that ended, by then I had had my first son and took a break for about six months or so and then continued to pursue sitcom television, things that were in Los Angeles that kept me home. And it was very manageable and very workable. And I mean, Last Man Standing lasted 10 years, and it took me right through my kids' primary and middle school and high school years.
Sharon Macey: And how nice was that? Because you had the ability to really merge your family life and your working life You were there for the kids and let's talk about why that was so important for you, you know, to be there for your boys to have those those family moments.
Nancy Travis: Well, I mean, first of all, I'm very family oriented and also I want to be in control. what's happening with my family and with my children.
Sharon Macey: I am the person that- That's definitely a mom thing.
Nancy Travis: Oh, yeah. But I organize everything. I plan everything. I cook. I do everything. But I also, as my children grew up, they needed me more and more. My husband was very hands-on and still continues to be, but he also worked. And ironically, their need for me grew as they grew older. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the issues and the problems and the questions come fast and furious and you really need to be there and a part of their lives. And even just being able to be with them strapped into a car where they had nowhere to go and had to listen to me and we would have conversations and all of those things were major parts of their growing up and mine as well.
Sharon Macey: Isn't it interesting the conversations that we have while we're holding on to the wheel of a car?
Nancy Travis: Yeah. So much happens.
Sharon Macey: Yeah. And how much the kids are willing to talk about because you're both staring out straight into where you're going.
Nancy Travis: And thank God for carpool. How many times I drove my kids with other kids in the car and things that they wouldn't talk to me about, I could be a fly on the wall and just listen to them and hear about what's happening and what they're feeling and what they're thinking and all of it. Really great.
Sharon Macey: So you touched a little upon being in control and doing all the mom things. Let's talk for a few minutes about some of the skills that you develop as a mom, right? Because we all learn about things that we never thought that we could do. And we realize we're really honing this incredible skill set. And then how maybe that translated back into your career.
Nancy Travis: Certainly multitasking is is a big deal. And but just also the the process of giving birth or having a child, whether you actually give birth to a child or you adopt or however you have a child, from the moment that you have them, your place in the world changes. And I just remember having this concrete realization right after I had my first son that I am now a mother. I have a different place in the world, a different role that I never had before. It's not just about me. And I think just a little sort of track back, I think the problem with what my fantasy was, was I didn't include that I would have relationships in my life that I would be willing to negotiate for. with that fantasy. So that perception for me as an actress and what that means to not just be me, to have other people that come before me affects how I feel, how I perceive things. The lens that I see a lot of things is through a mother, as a mother. And also just as my children grew up, I think I learned to listen better. to actually listen, not just to words, but to body language, to emotion, to what they're not saying. And that is certainly for an actor, the greatest tool that you have. That's all of it.
Sharon Macey: Yeah, that makes so much sense.
Nancy Travis: One thing about that role reversal thing, I think that happens also when you lose a parent and you realize you're no longer somebody's child. So it's it's a very palpable change in your place in the world.
Sharon Macey: Yeah. And it's interesting you say that because within the last few months, I actually lost my father. My mother's still around, but, you know, we lost my dad. And and yeah. And so now all of our energies are focused on mom. making sure that she's okay. And oftentimes, yeah, I do feel like we are the parent taking care of her. She doesn't like that, but I digress. Hey y'all, time to talk about my sponsor, Ally Shoes. Hands down, the most comfortable shoes I've ever worn. The way they're designed by women, of course, and engineered with this cushy insole design and perfectly placed padding. I can literally wear these shoes all day. And I cannot say that about other brands that I have worn. but don't take my word for it, ask InStyle, Business Insider, and CNN, who are saying the same thing. And I'm sharing the love with all of you. Head on over to ally.nyc, where new customers and listeners of the pod will get $40 off your first pair of heels, classic, kitten, bold block, or sexy slingbacks with special code MOMTOMORE40. And 10% off your first pair of boots and flats, so 10% off of each, with special code MOMTOMORE10. Check out your ally in fashion, who are reimagining how comfort and function support women every day. ally.nyc. Obviously, as a mom, there are so many challenges just built into being a mom and managing the household and the kids and illnesses and life and school and family and whatever. So talk to me about some of the challenges that you faced and also how within those challenges you were able to really keep that creative part of you alive.
Nancy Travis: I would say a huge challenge for me was finding reliable help so that I could continue to work and also trusting that I could give over the care of my child. And I mean, I've had some gnarly situations with people that I've had to fire. And at the same time, I mean, I encountered mothers and certainly women in my own family who made me feel bad for not just for actually having that help. And so that's an interesting quandary for certainly for a working mom. Yeah.
Sharon Macey: But it's also interesting you say that because even if you are The home parent, and I will credit a woman named Neha Rush, who has created that sort of like, there's two working parents in a family. There's a parent who's working in the home and a parent who's working out of the home. And I love where she's coming from on this. And just because you might be the home parent doesn't mean you don't deserve help. doesn't mean you don't deserve time for yourself because we are doing such a difficult job. And it doesn't end nine to five. It's 24 seven. Right. And so I believe that, yeah, if we want to keep our sanity, we have to have some help. We have to have that time off.
Nancy Travis: And we also. live in a time where we don't necessarily live close to family. So my family is all from the East Coast and we moved to the West Coast. So I didn't have family that could help and that I could trust with my children. So I was hiring people and, you know, some were great and some were really awful. And that was very, very difficult. manage and at the same time know that I needed the help because I had to go away every day for a certain amount of time. So I think for me, that was the biggest challenge in that way. And other than that, I mean, I've always been, even when I'm away, I've always been reachable. There have been times where I've run off a set. and jumped in my car because something happened to my kid at school and I had to get there. So I've always made sure I had, and even if I, if that wasn't permissible and, you know, it isn't because we, let's face it, I mean, the world of Hollywood and employment is really kind of structured around men who just work 24-7 and not having a responsibility.
Sharon Macey: That's a whole other discussion that isn't the world structured around men and their schedules. We have a whole different energy. We have a whole different, especially as moms, we have a whole different schedule.
Nancy Travis: We really haven't figured it out. I mean, I worked on something where the actress had her own nursery set up on the lot, and it still doesn't quite work. You're still packing up a child and a staff, and it just is very, very difficult to juggle. And I think it's just very hard to have both at the same time.
Sharon Macey: You've lived that. So I know you say that with experience behind you on that one. So I wanted to ask you something. Obviously, you're an artist. Talk to me about creativity and that, I think what we'll call a yin yang of being a mom and an artist. How did that change for the boys? And how did you channel that different energy that you had?
Nancy Travis: I think as an artist, I mean, certainly with my children, and I don't think this is necessarily particular to artists, but It's trying to raise them to see the world the way that you see it. And it's not necessarily opinions. It's just how to perceive things, how to have an appreciation for things, and how to have a perspective on things. And not to be weird and cliche, but just to be able to look at a beautiful day and appreciate that or see something that's painful and absorb those emotions and have a certain connectivity to things and have them realize it. So it's not to say that, that children or people aren't emotional, but sometimes we aren't aware of it. If that makes any sense.
Sharon Macey: Yeah. It's interesting. Yeah.
Nancy Travis: And I, I mean, I endeavor to do that and I think both of my sons can appreciate that. They have no interest in doing what I do. Do you like that or do you not like that? It doesn't matter either way. Um, to me, if they wanted to be artists or actors, I would support it. And if they don't, it's great. I. I really feel like pursue your true love and whatever turns you on, go for it. And I think that's the same ethos that my mom had. If you really want to be an actress, even though it's hard and the chances of success are really slim, at least get a degree, but go for it. And I think you have to You have to give your children that.
Sharon Macey: A lot of stay-at-home moms that I've spoken with, and I will include myself in that group. I'm totally raising my hand. We have that moment where we look into the mirror one day and ask, is this all there is? Is this it for me? Since you were lucky enough to integrate your home life with your work life, challenges included, have you experienced that weariness? And maybe it's business related. And how do you keep expressing yourself in a way that is uniquely Nancy?
Nancy Travis: I think I am the type of person who wakes up every day and says, is this all there is? But particularly at this time in my life, I am really saying that and I am looking at, so I made compromises while I was raising my children. And I think for me creatively, in order to have, to be able to stay in town and have this type of schedule, I feel like a lot of the work I chose was, was not completely fulfilling to me as an actress. And I call it being charming for the man. So I've spent, the irony is as I was raising children and being a wife and a housewife, I was actually playing one on television. So I was mirroring that.
Sharon Macey: So you were living that line that says, I may not be a doctor, but I've played one on TV. I could play one on TV. Yeah.
Nancy Travis: And I had to be very careful about going to set and talking about things that were happening at home because the following week I would find it in a script. So I had to keep the two worlds apart. But I mean, also there were conversations where the writers might've written something for me to say or do. And I knew from my experience in my life, this is not how that kind of stuff goes down. This is not, no mother would say that to her kid or react that way or just let something like that happen and not step in.
Sharon Macey: Are you able to counter back and just say, this is so not real?
Nancy Travis: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And sometimes it was fixed and sometimes it wasn't. So I had to always kind of judge it and adapt it, knowing that the sitcoms that I was in were fiction. And at this point in my life, I really feel like it's about being charming for the man and just wanting to realize other things and that I am creatively good at or want to be good at. And I always just thought I will be an actress until the day that I die. And I'll probably die on stage and that would be fine with me. God forbid. But I also feel like I don't want to be bound to a business that is hard. It's hard It's cruel, kind of, to women, and it's ageist, and I just don't want to be sort of chained to it so that it affects the way I see myself, and even more so the way I express myself. I am exploring writing, which I really, really enjoy. And I realize I've been writing my entire life, but I haven't tried to structure it in any way.
Sharon Macey: You have just set me up for the next question I was going to ask you. It's perfect. Our time is drawing to a close, and I love to ask all of my moms, because they're so extraordinary, and everyone has such a uniquely different answer. And that would be, since this is the Mom Tomorrow podcast, Nancy Travis, what is your more?
Nancy Travis: My more is to continue to grow creatively and discover things about myself that I did not realize and to never ever stop being curious and growing and developing and reaching and pursuing. I mean, just I would never wanna just be on a golf course and that's it.
Sharon Macey: No dissing anyone who likes to play golf. Yeah, which I do, I actually play golf, but I do a lot of other things on top of that. Yeah, exactly. But it also sounds like your more is also gonna include more writing.
Nancy Travis: A lot more writing, a lot more writing, and I don't even know where that will lead. It may lead to a whole new career. It may lead to even going back to school. I flirt with all of these things that would feel fulfilling and thrilling and risky.
Sharon Macey: So that's the other thing. And you know what I love about what you've just said, Nancy, is that you definitely have a growth mentality. And that is so important, I think, as women, as we get older, to keep wanting to figure out, like, what is the next challenge? What can I do to learn more, to grow more? I went back to school over the pandemic. It's not easy. Everything's online now. I'm like a tech boob. And so being able to do that and then seeing where it takes you is thrilling and it's exciting. And I think that's part of what is so wonderful about life and having that mindset. It's like, okay, what's next for me? Done this. Let me try something else.
Nancy Travis: And inspiration. I want to be inspired. And conversely, I want to inspire. So if what I put out there, whether as an actress or a writer, inspires somebody else or changes how they think or who they are, then that's a win.
Sharon Macey: And I think that is a beautiful place to end our conversation. But before we go, I wanted to ask you, where can our listeners find you online? Do you have any, an upcoming project? Tell us about that.
Nancy Travis: Okay. So yeah, so I'm on Instagram, uh, at Nancy Travis official. And that's the only social media I'm on. And I'm about to go to Atlanta to start filming a new show for NBC called Grosse Pointe Garden Society, which I'm very excited about. It's a dramedy, like a Desperate Housewives kind of show. And I also was just in Mexico City in a new show for Amazon called El Gato, which is exciting. So many adventures and I'm also writing a memoir and a book of personal essays. So you might see that hopefully soon as well.
Sharon Macey: So when the book comes out, we'll have you back on.
Nancy Travis: Thank you.
Sharon Macey: Nancy, this has been so much fun. It has been so lovely to reconnect with you after all those years. I love what you've done, but thank you for sharing this, this other mommy side of you. I really appreciate that. And I know my listeners will too.
Nancy Travis: So thank you for that. And it's great to reconnect and this is great that you are doing this as well, sharing your growth and your life changes. So thank you.
Sharon Macey: Before I sign off, a quick favor. Following the Mom to More pod means you'll never miss an episode and it really helps the show to grow. And if you'd be willing to leave a five-star rating and review and share an episode with another mom, I'd be super grateful and appreciate your support. Thanks for listening and see you next time.
